How To Have A Good Relationship: The Unspoken Rules
Keep expectations realistic. No one can be everything we might want them to be. ... Talk with each other. It can't be said enough: communication is essential to healthy relationships. Be flexible. ... Take care of yourself, too. ... Be dependable. ... Fight fair. ... Be affirming. ... Keep your life balanced
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The Unspoken Rules
Everyone wants to be wanted. Everyone wants a relationship that is equal and positive, that is a unit that works for both of you. So, how do you work with and avoid these unwritten rules? First, you have to be aware of them. These rules, or more accurately, unwritten assumptions, are a result of the emotional investment, which, unfortunately, makes them hard to get rid of. But you can, and you need to, if you want to move on with a happy and healthy relationship. Related: How to Talk to Yourself: a Handbook for Overcoming Self-Doubt Whether you and your partner disagree on certain relationship principles or simply how to approach life, try to keep the underlying beliefs in mind.
Expectations
When two people are involved in a committed relationship, the way you both look at and treat one another begins to evolve. Before you knew each other at all, you probably had your own ideas about what you hoped for in the relationship. There were probably relationships that you wished you had been more mature or had been more respectful of. If the relationship worked, they probably moved in a positive direction and worked things out, or you probably realized your relationship wasn't what you really wanted and moved on. In some cases, though, some things never worked out. Sometimes a couple didn't have a chance to get to know one another before they married. Sometimes a few years down the road, they don't have any more in common than they did when they were first married.
Communication
Never put your partner first, when it comes to deciding what's important and what isn't. Because it's not about you! Be curious. ... Give the other person the space to talk and get things off their chest. Let them know you understand where they are coming from and that you can wait for them to respond. Empathize. ... Remind your partner that you care and want to understand them better and they know you love them and don't want to hurt them. Provide a supportive environment. ... Listen when they need to talk. Listen even if you don't think you understand what they are saying. Don't be judgmental or try to change what they are saying or feel. If they seem upset, there is a reason. Give them time to collect themselves. At work Be loyal to your colleagues and show them respect.
Flexibility
Promises vs.
Taking Care of Yourself
"Knowing your place in the universe makes you feel more connected to your own power and to the power of other people," said Dr. Gay. "Sleeping well, eating well, exercising, and using herbal and other natural remedies. These things make people feel better about themselves, which is why we tend to be more healthy in intimate relationships. "People are fascinated with our bodies," said Dr. Gay. "I tell them, 'Our bodies are our little planets. If you want to see the universe, you have to go outside.' People live to understand their bodies and that knowledge brings power to them." Pamela Paul is the author of "The Boudreaux Guide to a Sexy Life." She's also the founder of the online health magazine RD.com.
Dependability
Don't make commitments unless you intend to keep them. Respect each other's boundaries. Respect your partner's need for time alone. Communicate and be clear. Ask for what you want and need. Communicate your frustrations and anxieties with respect, compassion, and understanding. Communicate about what you need to feel safe and loved. Be willing to compromise. Be both honorable and forgiving.
Fight Fair
Fighting fair means walking away when you know it is no longer an argument but a huge misunderstanding. Speak up and address each other's emotions without attacking or calling names. Say something like, "You are not making me feel good." If they get upset, take a break and think before responding. Keep some space and come back to the situation after a few minutes. Re-frame things and ask if it's worth it to you. If it is, tell them you think you've made a mistake. Once they've calmed down, ask again. Listening Is So Easier Than Talking Sometimes we are so caught up in our own thoughts that we don't hear our partner, and when you need to talk, they can't seem to hear you. Listening is the best response.
Affirmation
Affirmations go a long way in building confidence and strengthening relationships. And they come in a variety of forms. "Positive statements" – for example, "You are a good man" – strengthen the ego and diminish negative self-talk. Another is affirmation with a partner, like "I see you," or "You are strong." Affirmations with others reinforce your self-worth, and establish trust, especially if you feel misunderstood or disrespected. Affirmations can also affirm you as an individual and help counter the influence of childhood trauma, which still affects how you view yourself. Positive self-talk helps to prevent self-deprecation. ... Be optimistic. ... Become aware of your inner critic. ... Forgive others. ... Be optimistic. ... Unlearn self-defeating beliefs. ...
Conclusion
In the end, what you think is important doesn't matter very much. What does matter, however, is if you feel happy and fulfilled with your romantic relationship. And this depends on a number of things including: How you define "happy." How your partner defines "happy" How you've negotiated the relationship. Who do you share your life with? A series of questions that will help you get to know each other and understand each other better. How well are you two getting along with each other? Are you happy? Are you going in the same direction? That doesn't sound very realistic, does it? What can you do to bring about a more "happy" romantic relationship for both of you?Here are some questions that will help you answer those questions.Do you feel like you love each other?
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