Would You Apologize To Me, Even If It's Not Your Fault?
 |
| Would You Apologize To Me, Even If It's Not Your Fault? |
That's not your fault. Women are taught and socialized to mention sorry—to feel sorry—whether they're within the wrong or not. It's a form of deference, and it's a way of making ourselves smaller or just appeasing.
The Importance of Saying "I'm Sorry"
Most of all, saying sorry is a way of saying we're vulnerable. That we, like you, are human, subject to the whims of emotions and actions that are our own. That we still need help and forgiveness and boundaries and validation. That we still have to be wronged and apologized to and wronged again and again. That's the only way to live. Women are taught to be polite, to dole out apologies to those who make us look bad. But saying sorry can also be done to express power and openness. It can say, "I see that what I did hurt you, but I want you to see it's not my fault." It can say, "I trust you, and you should trust me." If you would like to be a far better feminist, woman, partner, friend, or businessperson, apologize. You'll be doing your part to make the world a safer, more just place.
What It Means to Say "I'm Sorry"
"I'm sorry" means: "I regret my behavior or action that hurt you or someone else. I recognize that I have responsibilities and a role in society. I hope to earn your forgiveness by changing the way I act in the future. I promise to be a better person as a result of your forgiveness." Meaning: When you say sorry to a woman who was mistreated, it's because you understand why she was hurt. You were the one who did something wrong. Even if she didn't tell you what she needed, you understood what you did was hurtful and you're sorry for that. The next time you ask for forgiveness, you're showing you want to change and grow as a person. When Does It Make Sense to Apologize? When you've done something wrong and caused another person to feel mistreated or judged or wronged.
 |
| Would You Apologize To Me, Even If It's Not Your Fault? |
Why Women Apologize More Than Men
Our society's internalized misogyny seems to make women feel guilty for every little thing we do wrong. And this guilt stops us from doing things that might be beneficial or change things for the better. Though she thinks this topic needs to be examined, Alyssa says she isn't making any definitive statements on the matter. "I think it is vital for men to debate this too because it's a part of what's holding women back." Why Women Always Apologize quite Men There are many reasons why women seem to do a lot of the apologizing. Alyssa says the following, and these are the many reasons why women say "sorry" more than men. It's A Form Of Distraction "A lot of women are taught to be distractible, so they say, 'It's not a big deal. I'm sorry when it's not a big deal.
Why Women Apologize More Than Men- Part Two
Photo Courtesy of Photo Courtesy of www.flickr.com “If women are hurt, we say sorry, even if it’s not our fault,” said author Trisha Davidson. “But men are the self-appointed tough guys. They’re not afraid to say, ‘No, I’m not sorry.’” (Source) Have You Ever Apologized to Someone Without Asking for It? Maybe it was asking for it—maybe you needed to. That's a perfectly valid opinion, but we all know men aren't always the perfect victims of society. With that in mind, check out this quote: “I feel like the line between good friends and victims is getting blurry.” ~ Jay Rosenstein (Source) What Can You Do About Your Weakness? You have your moments when you are out of line, or it's not your fault or a thousand other excuses, but do you need to change the habits?
 |
| Would You Apologize To Me, Even If It's Not Your Fault? |
I'm sorry, but can you do me a favor?
Listen, I'm sure you didn't wake up with those seething old feelings or guttural anger that day, I know that. But I still have to sit here and listen to you. I know that's not your fault. I also know that. I have to be more of a grown-up and sit here and not think that you're out of line or I'm an idiot for sitting here and not getting angry at you or making snarky comments or saying whatever I want to say. I just have to sit here quietly and listen to this. Do you think you should apologize? I am sorry you don't understand how difficult that is. You are the one that made it difficult. What Do You Want Me to Do? I'm sorry, but I have to listen to you. I can't jump to your defense, because I need to get over the desire to defend myself.
Conclusion
I do realize that it's easier for me to be straightforward about what I think than for you to try to convince me otherwise. I understand that this isn't your fault. I don't want to form you are feeling bad. I want to do everything I can to show you my solidarity, not turn you into a victim of something you had no control over. However, I also want to make it abundantly clear that when I say "I'm sorry," it's not because I feel bad. It's because I recognize that you have nothing to be sorry for, and I'm still sorry that something you could have prevented caused me to feel pain, and to be hurt. If you want to try to soften the blow, that's fine, but it shouldn't be done on my behalf. If you do apologize, don't say, "I'm sorry, and I don't feel bad.
